Category Archives: society

Them’s Fightin’ Words

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So, Obama’s Chief of Staff called some of his colleagues “retarded,” and a bunch of other people got mad, most notably, Ms. Palin. Seems it’s not nice to disparage mentally challenged people, even behind closed doors (I’m not disagreeing). But I have to ask, what do his comments have to do with people with learning disabilities specifically? He wasn’t calling them retarded, he was calling his colleagues retarded (or their actions). What does retarded mean? Just like another word I wrote about recently, it means what we want it to mean.

In the Merriam-Webster online dictionary, I find that the definition of the transitive verb retard can be “to slow up especially by preventing or hindering advance or accomplishment : impede.” And in this sense, I do believe it could be said this is exactly what Mr. Emanuel was trying to convey in his weekly strategy meeting. To quote the Wall Street Journal, he “warned [the group] not to alienate lawmakers whose votes would be needed on health care and other top legislative items.” So was he really likening them derisively to people with mental handicap, or was he expressing his opinion that their actions were hindering accomplishment?

I’m going with the latter.

Wanna Shake With That?

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I was walking through Westlake this evening, a place where you will no doubt come across people giving opinions and people asking for opinions. On this particular occasion, someone wanted my opinion, stepped forward with his clipboard and with the other extended his hand out in greeting. My initial response was a combination of “I’m not touching a stranger”, “I’ve got places to be”, and “Sorry, dude. I know you’re just doing your thing.”

On the one hand, should we be allowing ourselves to interact with any stranger who vies for our attention? On the other hand, shouldn’t we be able to show kindness to our fellow humans? One could certainly get into trouble taking that hand from some of the people wandering through Westlake. However, how many good experiences are we missing out on by avoiding those few bad ones?

Let Them Have It

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It’s only a word. It’s just a jumble of letters with a representative sound. How can something so insignificant as some squiggles on a page (or a screen) cause so much trouble? After all, words can only have the meaning we give them and nothing more. So what’s the big deal about this one? Personally, I could take it or leave it — I have no real use for it myself. That is why I say, let them have it. If it means so much to them, it’s theirs!

Who is “they”, and what is this word? Let me answer the simpler part first: marriage. The first part is not so cut-and-dried, but I have a solution. It seems to me that the people who hold on to this word tightest in our country are, generally-speaking, affiliated with some religious organization. At least they are the ones who seem to be the most invested in keeping this word to themselves, unwilling to share it with those who don’t comply with their ideal. So give it to them.

Let’s collectively define “marriage” as a religious institution, sanctioned by the state, giving those involved in the union all the benefits and responsibilities as a civil union, aka domestic partnership. Let the state decide who can be bound by a civil union, and let each faith decide who can be bound by a marriage. Two birds, one stone.

Listening to most arguments against allowing gay marriage, it seems to me most are faith-based. And this, to me, is just plain ridiculous. I wonder how many straight marriages in the US are between two people with any real religious conviction? Surely, it can’t be all. Can we say for sure that all marriages performed by Elvis impersonators, justices of the peace, or ship captains were performed while invoking the Almighty? I’m sure atheist couples don’t imagine their weddings are under the eyes of God.

However, if it will soothe their souls, let them have ownership of the word marriage. Let’s have a compromise so that all can have the freedom to legally bind themselves to another person. Let everyone else have domestic partnership—it’s got more letters, anyway. (Right now, in Washington State, only same-sex partners and couples with at least one member aged 62 or over can enter into domestic partnerships. How fair is that?)

Cell Phones Off, Please! Enjoy the Films!!!

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I remember back in 1997, seeing Lost Highway at the Angelika at the midnight showing on opening night. The film is, in a lot of parts, quiet – long stretches of silence or near silence throughout. It was an amazing experience to be in a full movie theatre – in New York City especially – where no one made a sound. The audience as a whole was totally into the film and respected the silence. It was beautiful.

I had a similar experience five years earlier at a preview screening of Dracula at a nice midtown theatre. Not a particularly quiet movie, but still the audience did not detract from it by whispering, crinkling candy wrappers, or letting their cell phones ring (were cell phones even a big thing in ’92? There definitely wasn’t texting yet). We were allowed by the silent audience to make it a private experience while also sharing it with a couple hundred fellow filmgoers. This was in direct contrast to my 2nd viewing a week later at a multiplex in the East Village where there was a more typical NYC movie crowd. They laughed outloud at the cheesy parts, talked back to the characters on screen. . .  And I cannot say it wasn’t enjoyable also, just in a completely different way. Still, I’m glad I saw it first with the quiet crowd.

Yesterday I completed my second week of films at the 35th annual SIFF festival. In between films, I overheard a conversation about the change in the audience “consideration”. (I think this may have been a general statement about film audiences, stemming from a direct observation of the SIFF audiences.) Every year, audiences are asked to turn off phones and beepers, a couple years they added “anything that lights up, including watches”, and this year they’ve added “no texting”. Despite these requests, people still pull out their phones mid-movie. I sometimes ask myself: Do people really need to be told not to text during a movie? And the answer is Yes, yes they do.

Last week I watched Small Crime at Uptown Cinema. It was a cute little comedy set in Cyprus. Apparently the female half of a newlywed couple sitting in front of me was from that part of the world and had extensive knowledge to share with her other half. Throughout the entire film, she was offering little tidbits to him which I’m sure were interesting. I couldn’t actually hear what she was saying, but considering the subtitles floated just above their heads, I sure did notice. It was quite distracting, but not wanting to distract anyone else, I refrained from saying anything to them. I did kick her chair a couple times “on accident”. To them I say, if you want to discuss it as you watch it – rent it and stay home!

There have been a couple films in which I find myself in serious need of a potty break. I sit there, trying not to squirm, trying to figure out if I can hold out ’til the end, or if I should just make a break for it. I really don’t like getting up in the middle of a film, but when Nature calls . . . So I can empathize with other people who are wondering “how much time has already passed?” and “how much longer until the credits roll?” Sometimes it’s a very helpful piece of information, sometimes it just eases an anxious mind. To these people I say – Wear a watch.  Timex makes a really affordable white-face analog time piece that can be read in the light of most films, without even having to turn on the Indiglo. There is absolutely no reason you need to pull out a cell phone and light up the entire row just to find out what time it is. (You know what time the film started, take a guess!)

There is also no reason to have your phone on at all. If you really anticipate that someone might call or text you and cannot wait up to 2 hours for a reply, you really should consider renting a movie and staying at home. That way, if that emergency does take place, you can stop the film and resume it later, after the crisis has been averted. In this way, you are not annoying your fellow movie watchers, and you don’t have to miss the film. It’s a win-win situation.

The overheard conversation mentioned the more frequent home viewing as a cause for this type of inconsiderate behavior. I think there is more to it. As we become more addicted to our devices which connect us to other parts of the globe, we become less aware of our very immediate surroundings. If it weren’t a problem, we wouldn’t see signs at the coffee bar asking customers to refrain from cell phone usage while they are in line. Do people really need to be told to be more present in their immediate interactions with their fellow humans? Yes, yes they do. Will they listen? Hold on, I’ve got to take this call . . . .

Christmas Is Not My Bag

Posted in memories, musings, myself, rant, society on by

I haven’t celebrated Christmas for sixteen years. I haven’t wanted to for more than I can remember. Growing up in an ostensibly Christian family, however, it was hard to avoid as a child. In my house, for me, Christmas was veritable torture. Oh sure, I got presents, and we had a big party, and I got two weeks off from school which allowed me to spend a whole week with my mom.

It started with putting up the tree. The task of decorating was left to my sister and me, and it just wasn’t something I liked to do. Christmas decorations don’t appeal to me aesthetically, and it only seemed like another chore.  Luckily, most of the gift shopping was done by my step-mother, but I still had to wrap everything. Wrapping presents itself is pretty enjoyable; seeing all the meaningless gifts we were giving to people was disheartening. I know people who buy Christmas gifts early in the year, generic gifts for no one in particular, but knowing they were going to have a list later – these are gifts I want nothing to do with.

On Christmas Eve, preparations started early in the day. Pack up the gifts for the extended family, finish baking cookies and other goodies, wash up and get hair put in rollers, get dressed and go to church for the twilight service. None of this was especially gruelling. And the party after church at my grandparents’ house was always much fun. Good food, fun with my cousins, warmth from the fireplace, more presents. It was great, at least until I was a preteen. Then, because I was a girl, I was made to help all the women clean up at the end of the festivities. None of my girl cousins had to help – their mother wanted them to have fun. I was resentful.

Things got worse for me around 14. It was about that time I realized I didn’t (still don’t) believe in Christ as our savior. What had become more chore than joyous occasion had now become completely meaningless. I’m not the type to make waves, so I kept my thoughts to myself, and I went through the motions. It ate at me, though, because I really don’t think it’s right for someone to celebrate or observe a holiday that is not “theirs” (I struggle with this on Halloween, my second favorite holiday).

As time goes by, it’s not only the spiritual disconnect that makes me dislike Christmas. The crass commercialization of an event that is supposed to be (for some) the defining moment for a whole religion is revolting. The Christians who are mortally offended by atheist placards should be burning down shopping malls for desecrating the image and symbolism of their savior. And why aren’t they? Because they like to get the latest gadgets wrapped in red and green, too, I guess. F-ing hypocrites.

Christmas, like Easter, was created by Romans to trick pagans into converting to Christianity. I’m neither a Christian nor a pagan, so I think I’ll stay out it.

Drunk Girl, Observations on a Night Out

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Her one thought, ‘will he want me?’ All she did from 6:30 pm onward based on this premise. The hair, the makeup, the dress. All meant to please him. All based on some arbitrary notion of what would please him. Never mind that he was oblivious to it all. All that mattered to him was that she was there. That she was with him, for him only. He didn’t notice the strategic dress; the strange colors painted on her face only confused him when he thought about it. So he didn’t think. Only felt – the rhythm of the music, the grazing of her hands on his arms, his torso. That was all he really needed to tell him she wanted him. Even if it was wishful thinking it was all he had to go on. And so he would take it, and he would take her. And she would give herself to him.

My Tour of the Capitols

Posted in driving, memories, society, travel on by

In 2005, after lamenting that I had not traveled any place new in many years, and that most of my traveling was work-related, I decided to give myself an assignment. I would venture to visit every state capitol building in this country. No deadline was given for completion, and photo essays were to be made for each visit. This February, I saw my 10th state capitol in Raleigh, North Carolina. I am a fifth of the way to my goal!

When I visit a capitol, I take what I hope to be interesting photos that capture the essence of each building.  So far, I’ve witnessed a couple trends, and now I take note of these things at each subsequent visit. Namely, capitols tend to be made from marble, and there is often an inset drinking fountain that looks very much like a urinal. Because I ate enchiladas during my first capital visit – Salem, Oregon – I also try to eat enchiladas in each capital city.

I keep a log of my journey online. The pages for each city are linked together, so that one can scroll through the cities in alphabetical order by state – my own little web ring! As I visit a capital, a page is inserted into the ring. On the main page is a list of all the capital cities, along with a graphic guide to my familiarity with each.  This is measured by the time I’ve spent there – was I passing through on a train? did I have a layover at the airport? did I spend the night?

I’ve found that my reports are a nice way to keep in touch with distant friends and family, as well as a way to let non-travelers experience places they’ve never been. My capitol tour has been interesting and quite rewarding thus far, and I look forward to continuing and someday completing it.