Essay: What Is Fashion?

This is an essay I wrote while attending the Fashion Institute of Technology. I apparently didn’t like the instructor who gave the assignment.

WHAT IS FASHION?
by Monica Neumann

Fashion is yet one more way to control how the mindless millions act and think. It is an outlet for vanity. It is a cause of numerous adolescent heartaches over the years. It is a source for general feelings of ill will worldwide. A small handful of self-proclaimed experts make arbitrary decisions about what colors and silhouettes people will like because they don’t know they can decide for themselves. Money is the root of all evil, and fashion is a branch of that wicked tree.

We need only to look at costume history to see that this is true. When humans first started wearing clothing, it was purely functional. A purely secular view is to say that nomadic tribes didn’t have homes to protect them, so they wore their homes in the form of clothing. Biblically, of course, the first clothing was meant to hide the naughty parts.

It was only when man started seeking beauties and riches and a more far-reaching power that things started getting a little tense. Certain men could go to other lands and bring back things that the folks at home couldn’t, and those certain men would hold these things over their heads. They brought back foreign gems to adorn themselves with, and they brought back dyes. With their rarity in some parts of world, the usage of these dyes became a status symbol. Only citizens of Rome, whose qualifications made them a surprisingly small group, could wear a true toga. And only senators, an even smaller group of men, could wear a red sash, made with those rare dyes.

The expense of dyes and the dying process made colored cloth symbolic of royalty, for they were the only people who could afford them. Time goes by, the middle class rises, and to show this, they start adopting some of the habits of the aristocracy. They wear clothing made of dyed cloth to show they are gaining in importance. Even with this turn of events, a few colors, the most expensive to procure, are still reserved for the kings and queens and princes and dukes, etc.

People developed the habit of dressing to show their importance in their respective cultures. One could see a person walk down the street and know what social class they were in merely by the clothes they were wearing. A perfectly wonderful human being could be reminded of how close to dirt he was by seeing another’s purple robe or red dress.

Our society has talked much of equality. A good human being, some would say, should try their hardest to look at everyone without judgment. Too much of the time, however, clothes get in the way. Fashion is a weight that helps keep too many good people down and lets too many dead fish float to the top.

Spring 1998

I Heard a Rumor

I heard very recently that a large corporate entity is making preparations to outsource one of their departments to India. It’s a department of office workers, cubicle residents, jobs that I have no doubt Indians can do and do well. And it’s not a customer service type thing so people won’t be able to make jokes about their accents. So, from a corporate point of view, I say, that is a viable solution. But then I think, what about the Americans who are about to lose their jobs? Did the corporate entity think about what those people would do after they got the heave ho?  Forget the illegal aliens coming in to the US to clean toilets and pick cotton. What do Obama, Clinton, McCain (and Nader, too!) have to say about moving American jobs overseas? How are they going to make it beneficial for companies to keep the jobs here? Maybe they’ve said and I haven’t heard.

Advice Regarding Tickets to the Showbox

It’s been awhile since I’ve been to the Showbox (at the Market), and I’ve yet to go to the new Showbox Sodo. In fact, it might have been for the Decemberists show in October 2005. I don’t like the Showbox (at the Market).

A few weeks ago, though, I signed up for their mailing list, realizing that I’m probably missing out on some musical acts that I would gladly put up with my dislike of the Showbox (at the Market) in order to see. A couple days ago, I got an email announcing a special pre-sale for the band X’s reunion tour at the end of March. In that moment, I decided that I must buy my ticket then and there, so as to guarantee my attendance at the show. I am a bad judge of a musical act’s popularity so I must assume the shows will sell out.

But let me get to the advice. Unless it is virtually guaranteed the show will sell out, or if you are in another state or continent when the ticket sale goes on, DO NOT buy your tickets to the Showbox (either location) online. Always, always go to the box office at the Market location and buy your tickets. I remember thinking it was highway robbery and false advertising that the Showbox adds a $2 service charge when you buy your advance tickets at their box office. But that is nothing compared to the continued rape by Ticketmaster.  You’d think they would have learned their lesson, but it seems that after all the hubbub over the years, they have actually raised their fees.

I bought one $25 ticket and paid almost $40 total.  How? Ticket price $25 plus “convenience charge” of $8.25 (should not be more than the $2.50 round trip bus ticket I would have paid to get to the box office) plus “order processing charge” of $5.36 (they must use monkeys and abaci) plus $0.42 tax. Tax on what is unclear, as is the rate of the tax. It’s not Seattle sales tax on any of the charges.

I went ahead and bought the ticket because I want to be sure that I go see X for once in my life. And I know how I am – I will be able to come up with all sorts of things to do that will prevent me from going to the box office. And by the time I do get there, the show will be sold out. But never again, I say! Always, always buy your tickets at the box office! If you ever hear me say again that I bought a Showbox ticket online, you have my permission to punch me in the stomach.

Stop the Madness

I know I’m not the first to say it, but I’ll still say it on the off chance someone will listen.

Suicide spree killers are only doing it for the publicity.

They’ve been nothing their “whole” lives (like 19 years is a long time to suffer living) and now, even if it’s in death, they are something. This kid Hawkins was a loser, and I can see how he might decide to give up. But he didn’t need to take eight people with him. So why did he?

I know that the families of the victims probably want to be heard, want their loved ones memorialized in some way. They don’t want to feel like the death is swept under the rug and their life was in vain. But in the interest of future victims, we need to stop making such a big deal out of these spree killers. A local news story should suffice. Report it like any other murder in the city. But don’t blow it up to some sensational national headline. That will only encourage other losers to go down in a blaze of glory at some future date. If they don’t think they will gain some sort of posthumous notoriety, they will off themselves in the privacy of their own homes, and no one else has to suffer.

Too Many People

In the next 12 months, the U.S. Presidential candidates will spout off sound bites on a lot of issues – global warming, global economy, the war in Iraq, etc. One thing they will not be talking about is population control. And yet, overpopulation is at the root of many, if not all, of humanity’s current crises.

In 1998, I bought a book called Too Many People by Roy Calne. It was in the last few months that I lived in New York, on that crowded island of Manhattan. Back then, I had a sense that the world was getting ready to end, or at least go through some major upheaval. In that last year of my residence, a great number of building facades were falling from their structures (including one whole outer wall of Kurt Vonnegut’s apartment building). I felt the city was trying to tell me something. “Get away. Live a simpler life. Slow down a bit.” I heeded that advice and moved to the West Coast. The world didn’t end, but I was finally able to breathe.

Back to the book. Although I never actually read the book – spent too much time reading and thinking about Viktor Frankl instead – I thought a lot about the message within its pages. It sat on my bookshelf for years, perhaps stimulating some thought in those people visibly curious about my reading materials. Recently, I’ve been thinking about that book a lot more.

People talk about global warming. They talk about all the ways we can reverse the effects. Ride the bus, ride a bicycle, recycle paper and plastic and glass, find alternative fuels, the list goes on. No one ever says stop having babies.

People talk about health care. They talk about socialization, privatization, but never about sterilization.

People talk about how dumb our kids are getting. About our society being addicted to reality shows and celebrity gossip. They don’t talk about the watering down of the gene pool.

All of the problems our society has can be positively affected by limiting our procreation. Whether enforced or voluntary, we don’t need all of us. We’d be better off without some of us.

I’ve pulled that book off my shelf and am going to read it finally. Hopefully it will get my mind juices flowing, and I will elaborate on each of the above points. Maybe more.

Jump on the Pink Bandwagon

Allow me to make myself clear – I am not in any way a proponent of breast cancer.

Breast cancer can be painful in more than one way, and it can be deadly. I haven’t known anyone personally who has suffered or succumbed to breast cancer, but I’ve known people with other cancers. I watched my uncle go through chemo for colon cancer. My grandfather recently beat esophageal cancer only to have it crop up in his lungs and liver. A coworker’s spouse was recently diagnosed with leukemia. I have myself had a touch of that all-too-common cervical cancer. The point being, there are other cancers.

I recognize that there was a reason the whole pink ribbon thing came about. Awareness is the first step and all that. But I would challenge any American to find a neighbor who doesn’t know what that pink ribbon represents. At this point, it has become crass commercialism. It’s like Valentine’s day or Christmas or Grandparents Day. Another excuse for people to buy a bunch of crap they probably don’t need to make themselves feel better about their own ugly lives for a few minutes. Only this is every day of the year.

Is all this pink stuff really helping to fight breast cancer? How much of the profit on that pink toaster is really going to research? Are we any closer to a cure now that nearly every consumable and most household appliances come in pink? If I had a house full of a bunch of pink shit, I’d want to get cancer, and fast.

The pink ribbon, like the yellow bracelet, was a great idea whose time has passed.

Interview Etiquette 101

I am not in human resources. I am not in personnel. However, over the years, I’ve been given the task of hiring people for my department. I place the ads, contact the career services offices at local schools, schedule and conduct the interviews, and this is all in addition to my normal workload. Therefore, when I schedule an interview, I also have to schedule the rest of my day around that interview. What do I dislike more than the interviews themselves? People not showing up for said interview without an email or a phone call.

I never used to have this problem. But now twice this year, I’ve had no-shows. In August, I had at least two, maybe three. And now again, I’ve had two no-shows. The disturbing part about the August interviews was that the candidates seemed genuinely interested in the position. One I had spoken to several times before scheduling. Another I spoke to on the phone the very morning of the appointment. I just don’t understand.

Maybe they got another offer before their appointment with me. Sure that’s a tad disappointing, but I would at least like a short little email – “sorry can’t make it. no need to reschedule.” Then I could go about my day at my normal pace and schedule.

P.S. If you are a no-show, don’t send in your resume a few days later as if nothing happened.